


Back to bite you

by Tame_my_wild_heart



Category: Mission: Impossible (TV 1988)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tame_my_wild_heart/pseuds/Tame_my_wild_heart
Summary: Jim runs his missions like a chess grand master; he knows exactly how to predict his opponent's play. Trouble is, this time there's a rogue piece on the board.





	Back to bite you

“Eeeeww!” It was dark in the cramped tunnel, and Trixie had no idea what she had stepped on. Almost afraid to look, she shone her torch on her right foot. Nicholas jogged back to see why she had stopped. He grimaced in sympathy. The bloated body of a long-dead rat had exploded under her foot and she fought back the urge to vomit as she shook off what she could. The tunnel they were in soon joined on to an overflow tunnel that still had a small amount of water running through it and she rinsed her shoe as much as she was able. This second tunnel eventually reached a maintenance hatch. Nicholas peered through the viewport, craning his neck in various directions in an attempt to cover all the angles. Deciding the coast was probably clear, he turned the levers to open the hatch. Both of them winced at the angry shriek of rusting metal on metal. Nicholas waited to see if the sound attracted any attention. As no-one came running, they clambered out of the tunnel and set to work. It was fortunate that all the maintenance staff were expected to attend a weekly briefing. Intelligence had learned that the boiler rooms were well staffed round the clock because it had been a popular means of escape attempts in the past. Luckily for them, nobody thought to guard against people trying to break in. On the downside, it meant that they had no quick or easy route back out. Quickly, Trixie attached a small device to each of the three pressure gauges. Pressing a small button on each sent a signal to Grant, telling them that they were in place and activated, and ready for if and when they needed them. Nicholas was unscrewing a panel in the air ducting high up on the wall. He was already dressed in the uniform of one of the guards. Giving Trixie a leg up, he watched her slide easily inside the narrow silver tube before he re-attached the grill. Switching effortlessly into character, he adjusted his collar and strutted out of the room.

Crawling through the air ducts was slow going. Trixie had to stop a few times, either because she was passing through occupied areas or because she reached a difficult vertical section. Finally she reached her destination. As soon as the room was empty, she crawled out of the grill and ran over to the safe. With a scanned detecting where the tumblers fell, she had it opened very quickly. Rifling through the contents, she took the notebook that she was looking for and switched it for the fake she had been given. Making sure she left everything just as she had found it, she was pushing the heavy door shut when she spotted something. A single sheet of paper, with a list of names on it. At a guess she would have said they were all code names, because there was one she recognised. What worried her was just how many other people might know whose code name it was. She stared at it, almost as if it might develop the power of speech and tell her what to do. Finally deciding it was too dangerous to take it she shoved it back on its shelf and heaved the door closed. Then she crawled back inside the air duct and continued onward to find Nicholas.

Nicholas was pacing back and forth in the room he had been assigned. Trixie was late. To be fair, it was only by a couple of minutes, and this part of the mission wasn’t time-critical, but for some reason, he always worried when she wasn’t where he expected her to be. Reminding himself that she was a grown woman and perfectly capable of looking after herself, he nevertheless breathed a sigh of relief when her face appeared at the vent beside his bed. He quickly removed the cover and held out his hand to help her up. Barely acknowledging his presence, she began ransacking the room, looking for something. His attempts to ask her what was wrong were rebuffed with the attitude of someone desperately trying not to lose their train of thought. He watched her, completely confused until she seized upon a silk handkerchief and a pen. As quickly as she could, she copied down the sheet of paper she had seen. Her memory was very nearly photographic, and with a little concentration, she was able to copy it exactly as she had seen it, both the content and the layout. Nicholas came and read it over her shoulder. “What’s this?”  
“It was in the safe.” She pointed at a name on the list. Nicholas’ eyes widened. He picked up the scrap of fabric, folded it, and tucked it into a hidden pocket in the back of her shirt. The notebook went into a similar hiding place in his own uniform.  
“I tried to call Jim, but something’s interfering with the communicators. We’ll have to just carry on as planned. Are you going to be okay?”  
Trixie nodded. Nicholas squeezed her hand for luck before she crawled back in to the vent yet again. This was going to be the tricky part. She was heading for the most heavily occupied areas of the complex. Special gloves supplied by Grant met that she was able to lie flat and pull herself along, sliding her body rather than crawling. It was quieter, but far more physically demanding. Just when the burning feeling in her shoulders and biceps became almost unbearable, she made her target. She massaged her upper arms, trying to restore some feeling and ease the pain. She could feel the lactic acid in her muscles so she stuffed a glove into her mouth and bit down. She couldn’t afford to be discovered yet. 

Nicholas wandered nonchalantly down a corridor. Stopping outside a storeroom, he bent down to pretend to tie his shoelace. Checking both left and right, he quickly picked the lock and slipped inside. Clearly Max and Grant had done their job with their typical efficiency. Hunting through the boxes of newly delivered cleaning supplies, he pulled out the gas canister. He walked through the corridors as briskly as he dared until he reached a door labelled ‘Socialisation’. Plastering a friendly expression on his face, he approached the lone guard on duty.  
“Hi. I’ve come to relieve you.”  
“You’re early.”  
“Only a few minutes. Who cares? It’s hardly going to matter to this lot.”  
The guard shrugged and left.  
Nicholas moved around the room, the prisoners taking no notice of him. Making sure Trixie could see him he pulled a gasmask out of his pocket and slipped it on. Trixie did the same. Two gentle taps on the grill told him that she was ready. Slowly he opened the valve on the canister. The gas was fast-acting and everyone was out cold in a matter of seconds. Nicholas hid the canister in the air duct. Waiting until the last possible second, they tossed their masks in after it. They worked quickly to replace the vent cover before pretending to be as unconscious as the rest. Before he took up his position, slumped at the desk, Nicholas hit the panic button. 

It was a mere three seconds before they heard footprints pounding down the corridor. The door burst open and Nicholas allowed himself to be pulled upright in his chair and he felt his cheek being gently tapped. He slowly opened his eyes. Feigning grogginess, he watched as guards worked their way round the room. They were not nearly as gentle as they had been when they were rousing him and he raged inwardly as Trixie was shaken roughly and slapped in the face. All the prisoners were hauled to their feet and pushed out of the room, one or two still dizzy enough that they almost tripped over their own feet. Right on cue, Trixie made a break for it and was quickly seized by one of the guards. She kicked and struggled and protested loudly as he hauled her off down the corridor and dragged her into an interrogation room. Surreptitiously, Nicholas glanced at his watch. Everything was right on schedule. Any second now, Jim would appear, take over the questioning and decide to escort her to Headquarters for further interrogation. He leant against the wall, pretending to still be feeling the effects of the gas, but in reality he was keeping a weather eye on the situation. He felt uneasy walking away when Trixie was in such a vulnerable position. Two sets of footsteps were coming down the corridor. Assuming they belonged to Jim and Max, Nicholas was about to leave. He changed his mind when he saw that the owners of the footsteps were two people whom he had never seen before. 

Some miles away, Jim frowned as there was an ominous rattle and the car ground to a halt. He checked his watch and his face creased with concern. Max popped the hood and jumped out to have a look. Jim joined him. “Well?” Max shook his head. “Sorry, Jim.” By now his head was under the car. Whatever we hit back there, the drive shaft’s snapped clean in half.” As he slid out from under the broken vehicle, Jim was collecting their gear from the back seat. He wasn’t about to waste time on an obviously lost cause. He had studied the maps of the area so long he knew the area as well as he knew his own neighbourhood. He pointed toward a line of trees. “That way. If we’re quick we might have half a chance.” He checked his watch. “Damn! We’ve got less than thirty minutes. Let’s hope Nicholas can stall them. ” He picked up one of the bags and set off at a brisk pace. Max was hard on his heels, his impressive strength and stamina easily keeping up with the older man. Even given Jim’s remarkable turn of speed, Max knew they were never going to make it. In desperation, Jim tried to radio Nicholas but all he got was static. He did manage to get hold of Grant, but he was still in with the State Security Minister and it would be a while before he could reach them, although naturally he was on his way with all possible haste.

Nicholas waited outside the interrogation room. An uneasy feeling was growing in the pit of his stomach. Clearly something had gone very wrong. Creeping forward, he risked a peek through the keyhole. He could see nothing so he turned his head and put his ear to the door. Frowning, he tried to make sense of what he could hear.  
“You? No, no, no, you can’t be here. Why are you here?” She sounded terrified.  
“More to the point, why are you here? What are you up to? Who are you working for?”  
“No-one. It’s just me, I swear.”  
“LIAR!” There was the unmistakable sound of skin striking skin. “This is a secure facility. No way did you break in here by yourself.”  
Nicholas felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Obviously the game was up, but he had a feeling that there was something more going on. He knew what Jim would say; ‘the mission has to come first’. He had the notebook, which is what they came for. He should make a run for it while he had the chance but he couldn’t just abandon her. Besides she had that list hidden on her. It was imperative that he got her out. He couldn’t see any other choice but to break her out and then try to make a break for it. He suddenly realised that it had gone very quiet. Testing the door handle, he found it locked. Trying to quell the rising panic, he tried it again; more forcefully. It was definitely locked. He picked it faster than he thought possible. The room was empty. The door on the other side however, was unlocked. It led to a dimly lit passageway that branched off in three directions. His heart sank and he ran his hands through his dark hair. What the hell was he going to do now?

In lieu of a better idea, he made his way down the left-hand corridor. It led to a service tunnel, which he knew from studying the blueprints were a labyrinth all of their own. He retraced his steps and took the middle tunnel. By now a state of panic was setting in and he started to stop thinking quite as rationally as he usually would. He checked every door, every room, and every cupboard, locker or potential hiding place that he found. The passage was extremely long, and at the far end was an emergency exit out of the building. A quick look outside revealed vehicle tracks. If they had taken her that way she could be anywhere by now. He was about to slip back inside when someone grabbed his shoulder. He spun round, fist raised, ready to strike, only to find he was face-to-face with Grant. Nicholas was so relieved he might have laughed, were it not for the worry in Grant’s dark eyes. He let out a shaky breath. “Have you heard from Max or Jim?”  
“Yeah. Car trouble. They’re making their way here on foot, but they’re a still a way off. They could be a while. Where’s Trixie?”  
“I don’t know. Grant, something’s gone wrong. One of the guards, he knows her. Who she really is. They took her somewhere.”  
“We’ll get her back. We’ll find her. It’ll be okay.”  
“There’s something else. She’s carrying a list. She didn’t expect to find it. It’s got a list of code names on it. One of them is Jim’s. One of them’s your fathers.”  
Grant’s head snapped up. “What? Why? How is that possible?”  
Nicholas shook his heads in bewilderment. “I have no idea. I think we’re going to have to ask Jim. And that’s not a conversation I’m looking forward to.”  
All the time they were talking they were making their way down the last passageway. It was lined with doors and it appeared that no-one had been down this way in a long time. The air smelt damp and musty and the hinges on most of the doors were showing signs of rust. One door, tucked away in the darkest corner had a bright shiny padlock fitted through the rusty hasp. They had it opened in seconds. Three paces in, they both forgot how to breathe.

She was a mess. The top half of her body was soaked, and she was shivering violently. Her hair, normally confined to its practical, severe style was completely loose. Worryingly, some of it was stained what looked like blood. Nicholas brushed the long waves away from her face, revealing a nasty scalp laceration and a vicious looking bruise that spread over almost the entire left side of her face. Gently, they checked her for further injuries. It had been quite a beating, but she also seemed to have a good number of defensive wounds and her nails were torn. She’d fought back. Nicholas smiled sadly. Good girl.  
“Nicholas!” Grant’s shocked whisper was full of fear. Nicholas looked where his friend was looking. Blood stained the seat of her jeans. The two men looked at each other in horror. Grant was shaking with rage. Nicholas grabbed his arm, pulled him to his feet and away from her. He spoke in hushed tones. “She’s tough. She’ll be okay. But for right now, we have to concentrate on getting her out of here.”  
“Nick, how can you be so calm? Look what they did to her.” Grant looked about ready to break down the door and beat the hell out of anyone who got in the way. Nicholas shoved him up against the wall and held him there.  
“You think I’m calm? Right now, calm is the last thing I feel. We all care about her and whoever did this is going to get what’s coming to him. I promise you that. But we have got to focus on...what’s that noise?” Trixie had backed into a corner. Arms wrapped around her body protectively, she was rocking back and forth. Her breathing was rapid and shuddering and she was clearly close to a panic attack. Grant approached her cautiously, as though she were a wounded animal. He was dismayed to see her shrink away from him. He shot a worried look over his shoulder at Nicholas. “We need Jim. We need him now!” Nicholas debated carrying her back down the other tunnel and outside where they had a decent enough signal to get a message to Jim. But he was concerned about aggravating whatever injuries she might have. He also knew that the longer they stayed there, the more of a risk they were taking.

The only sound was Grant’s footsteps as he prowled around the room like a caged animal. The sound was beginning to grate on Nicholas’ rapidly fraying nerves. Two clenched fists crashed against the wall and he rounded on the younger man. “For the love of God, can’t you stay still for two minutes?” Such outbursts of temper on Nicholas’ part were rare, and Grant was somewhat taken aback. He opened his mouth to apologise but was unable to summon the words, so he shut it again.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. All of this is my fault.” The half-whisper from the broken voice cut the silence like a bomb going off. Nicholas stared at her like she’d grown an extra head. She was sitting up, and seemed unwilling to look at them directly.  
“What on earth do you mean?”  
There was this man, one of the guards...he knew me. I couldn’t use my alias. I blew our cover.”  
“How do you know he recognised you?”  
“He’s...he was...is ...my husband.”  
“What do you mean, your husband? How long have you been married? And why the hell don’t we know about this? Does anybody know? Does Jim know?” The barrage of questions was too much for Trixie to deal with. 

Grant and Nicholas were so shocked they couldn’t speak for ten minutes. They simply stared at each other, in total amazement, while she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. When they finally absorbed the shock, Grant knelt down in front of her and gently, but firmly pulled her hands away from her face. The guilt and shame she felt was glaringly obvious. Unable to even look her friend in the eye, she tried to get away, but he was having none of it. He pulled her into a fierce hug, wrapping his arms around her and cradling her against his chest. Her body tensed, as though she was afraid of being touched by anyone, but eventually she gave in, almost as it common sense had overridden her fears and reminded her that she was safe with him. She clung on to him as though her sanity depended on it. As he held her, out poured the jumbled details of what she had been through while they had been separated.  
“Grant.” Nicholas was crouching next to them. “We have to do something about the others.” His brown eyes were full of compassion and worry. “How much did you tell them?”  
“I didn’t say anything. I never said anything about Jim or you guys or the mission. I promise I didn’t. I never would, I’d rather die. That’s why he punished me. I made him mad.” Nicholas released the breath he was holding. He stood up and jerked his head sideways, a silent signal that he wanted to speak to Grant in private. The younger man gave Trixie’s hand a final squeeze and followed him to the far side of the room. They spoke in hushed tones.  
“I can’t believe she stood up to that. I guess she’s tougher than we thought. “  
“So what do we do now?”  
“We pick up Jim and Max and we go home.”  
“But they can’t get to us.”  
“So we’ll go back and find them. I’ll create a diversion to buy you some time.” The male agents stared at their female colleague in horror.  
“No. Absolutely no way. You are not going back in there. You’re not going anywhere near him.”  
“Yes, I am.” She clambered to her feet and fixed her teammates with a steely expression. “I am. Because someone has to, and it has to be me. I know the layout better than you guys, I can get in and out easier than you. And it’s my fault we’re in this mess. You have to let me fix it.” Nicholas and Grant looked at each other, both desperate to come up with a reason why one of them should go instead. Both finding nothing, they were forced to let her win. Still somewhat uncomfortable with the rudimentary plan, they followed her out of the door. Nicholas paused to look at her.  
“Did you know he was going to be there?”  
“I swear I didn’t. I promise you, I had no idea. I haven’t seen him in over two years. Last time I ran away from him was in Belgium. I thought he was still there. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.”  
“What’s he doing here?”  
She thought for a minute. “Not sure. I do know that he’s not one to walk away from a money-making opportunity. And he’s not usually bothered if it’s not entirely legal.”

It wasn’t long before they were sneaking through the corridors. The men turned left; ready to make a break for one of the many emergency exits, while Trixie headed to the right. As she ducked behind some packing crates, she found a discarded piece of piping. It would make a very useful weapon, and she wasn’t above using it if she had to. She watched the others disappear outside, signalling to her to make her move. Taking a deep breath she summoned every scrap of courage she could muster. She had to do this. Makeshift weapon at the ready, she ran for the door. Striding through the corridors, all her senses on hyper-alert, she tried to ignore her heart pounding in her chest. Remembering his violent behaviour just made her terrified, so she tried to focus on all the cruel things he had said to her, all the parts of herself that he had erased. This made her angry. And right now, anger was what she needed to be able to get through this. And then, all of a sudden there he was. For a moment, he seemed genuinely surprised to see her. Then he began to laugh.  
“Seriously? Have you come back for more? Or did you just remember how it works? You took a vow. A vow to obey me. That means you don’t get to walk away from me. Not if you want to live.”  
“Actually, Alex, I’d rather stick my head in a gas oven. I am done with you. I am done being your punch bag.” He started towards her. Fighting the screaming temptation to run, she stood her ground, hand tightening around the pipe. She raised it, taking up a defensive stance. As soon as he was within inches of her, she swung. He ducked and grabbed the pipe. Yanking it towards him, she was pulled off her feet. Trixie rolled onto her back and kicked out, toppling him. He dove at her, his hands round her neck. Trapped under him and struggling to breathe, she blindly lashed out at his face, scratching him with her sharp nails. By chance she connected with his left eye and she jammed her thumb into it. At the same time she managed to bring her knee up sharply to connect with his groin. The pressure at her throat immediately disappeared and he screamed in pain. She was on her feet and running in less than a second. She could hear him behind her as she ran down the corridor, screaming abuse at her, threatening her with death and vengeance. She just kept running, bursting through the door and vanishing into the night.

Max and Jim were approaching the complex from the other side. Jim had arranged a rendezvous point with Grant, and both pairs of men were heading for it. The plan was for Trixie to go in the opposite direction, all of them moving in a wide arc until they met at the perimeter fence. Max and Jim had been waiting for their moment. Max decided to risk moving a little more into the open to see if there was any sign of either Grant or Nicholas. With neither of them in sight, he returned to the relative safety of their hiding place. Where he found himself alone. Jim was gone and a small pool of blood stained the ground where he had been. He had neither heard nor seen anyone approaching. Whoever they were up against, they were good. Cursing his own lack of awareness and reproaching himself for underestimating the enemy, he crept along the other way, keeping as close to the wall and as low as possible he rounded a corner and came face to face with Nicholas. His shoulders slumped as he sighed in relief.  
“Where’s Jim? I thought he was with you.” They kept their voices hushed.  
“He was. I think they have him.” He filled Nicholas in. Nicholas wanted to scream. This mission wasn’t merely blown, it had gone about as bad as it possibly could.  
“Let’s get back to the others. We need a proper plan.” They crawled to the darkest part of the grounds and ran as fast as they could for the perimeter. There they met up with Grant and Trixie. She had got back out by a combination of speed and luck. Squeezing out through a gap in the fence, they took shelter in a large patch of thick vegetation. Max shot Nicholas a ‘what the hell happened?’ look. In return he got one that very definitely said ‘not now’. 

There was no need for a long debate about what to do next; they all knew there was absolutely no way they wouldn’t be going back for him. Once again they found themselves heading back along the perimeter fence. Grant head was spinning. He wasn’t sure he would admit it out loud, but he was scared as hell. Since his father’s death, and given that his sister couldn’t forgive him for sticking with the job that killed him, Jim was the closest person he had. He was not ready to lose him too.  
“Okay, so what’s the plan? Subtle and sneaky, or hard and fast?”  
“No point being quiet about it.” Nicholas glanced at Trixie. “They have to know we’re coming.”  
“How?” Max frowned.  
“Because of me. Because of my pride, or my fear, or maybe because I’m just so stupid.” She spat the last word and climbed out of the car. The three men followed her.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I’m going to get him.”  
Max grabbed her arm to stop her. “Are you nuts? Walking in there by yourself, that’s a suicide note.”  
Trixie laughed. It was a hollow sound, devoid of any humour whatsoever. “So? Do you think I care? Do you think I would ever rate my life above Jim’s, or any of yours? I’m going in there, because if anybody’s going to die today then it damn well ought to be me!” She yanked her arm free and stormed off toward the prison, with Grant in hot pursuit.  
“What the hell was that about? How is any of this her fault?” Max didn’t like being out of the loop. He and Nicholas slowly followed the others.  
“Turns out one of the bad guys is her husband.” Max’s eyes went wide. Nicholas nodded. “Oh, this is for real. We were as shocked as you are. She told him to go to hell, so he made her look like that.”  
“I’ll bloody kill him.”  
“Join the queue. Grant and I want first go. God, Max. If you’d seen her, it was horrific. He’s done some real damage to that girl, and I don’t just mean the bruises.”

They regrouped around the corner from the side entrance. Grant triggered his devices. From far away, three explosions in quick succession had everyone running for the boiler room. With any luck, it would leave all the hallways deserted. Silently, they opened the door a crack and slipped inside. “Which way?” Whispered Max.  
“At the far end of this corridor, take a left, then a right. At the end of that corridor there’s this big room. That’s where I saw Alex before, it looked like the operations room. I say we try in there first.  
“Sounds like a plan.”  
Max handed each of them a knockout gun. Finding some comfort in the knowledge that they each had some protection should the rescue not go as smoothly as they hoped, they raced down the deserted corridor. When they reached the door they were aiming for, they crept silently towards it. Trixie crouched down to look through the keyhole. She couldn’t see anything but that meant nothing. Pressing her ear against it to listen, she heard the unmistakable sound of skin striking skin. She winced, and moved back to make room. To maintain the element of surprise, Max had to do this in one go. He backed up a little, took a deep breath and charged. The door crumpled like paper. At the same time, a hiss from Nicholas’ weapon and the bad guy was out cold. Grant stayed by the door to keep watch as Trixie sliced through Jim’s ropes. As he massaged the feeling back to his sore wrists and stretched his aching shoulders, he eyed her injuries with a mix of concern and anger.  
“Not now. We need to move. Can you walk?” He half-smiled. She did always seem able to pre-empt his questions. But she was right. The what, and the why could wait. It would have to. They headed for the exit, hoping they hadn’t attracted too much attention. But rounding the corner, there he was. He had some deep lacerations to the side of his face and his eye was horribly bloodshot, and even though Trixie knew that this was her handiwork, he still managed to fill her with sheer terror.  
“You just don’t know when to quit, do you? You really should have left when you had the chance. LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME! Do you really think I’m gonna let you walk away from me again?  
“It’s over, Alex.”  
“I say when it’s over, not you. NOT YOU!” From behind his back he pulled out a handgun and pointed it directly at her heart. She closed her eyes, waiting for the shot, preparing herself for eternity. Once she heard it, it took her a few seconds to realise that she was still standing. Opening her eyes she was greeted by total chaos. Two bullets had been fired. One had gone wide, and now something was on fire and people were making a break for the exits. Alex was out cold on the floor, with what looked suspiciously like a broken jaw.  
“Trixie, help us!”  
She turned around and her heart stopped. The only man she really looked up to, the person whose opinion mattered more to her than anybody else’s, was collapsed on the floor, and every beat of his heart was pumping out blood he could not afford to lose.  
“No, no, no, no, no!” Dropping down beside him, she pressed her left hand flat over the bullet hole in his chest. Reaching out with the other, she latched onto Max’s sleeve and yanked, ripping it clean off at the shoulder. Acutely aware of the thick cloud of smoke that was beginning to fill the corridor, she improvised the best dressing she could and secured it in place with Jim’s tie. Fortunately, because the building was on fire, nobody was that interested in the five of them hobbling towards the exit. As quickly as they were able to, they piled into the first available car and drove back to safety.

Every time they went out on a mission, Jim made sure to find some accommodation as close by as possible. He never knew whether they would need a bolt hole or somewhere to recover. It wasn’t far, but neither was it close to the prison. Jim always preferred to put a little distance between them and their target. In the safety of the rental cottage, Trixie switched seamlessly into medic mode. Fortunately Max had had a good deal of their equipment with him, so at least she had proper instruments available. Her main concern wasn’t removing the bullet; that was relatively simple, it was the level of blood loss and making sure he didn’t pick up an infection. She had a plan but the others wouldn’t like it, so she was keeping that to herself for the present. Biting her lip, she made an incision enlarging the bullet hole, slid her forceps inside her friend’s chest and latched onto the bullet. Pulling it free, she was relieved to see that it was intact. If it had shattered it would have caused a whole other set of problems. Tossing it aside, she began repairing the damaged inter-costal muscle. There was a slight nick to one of his ribs, but not enough to give her any real concern. Once she had done, and sutured the entry wound and given him a broad-spectrum anti-biotic, there was no putting it off any longer. Jim needed blood. She knew Grant wasn’t a match, but she and the others were. As she was setting up the field transfusion kit, Nicholas caught on and started rolling up his sleeve. But before he could speak, she jabbed the needle into her own vein. Grant’s eyes bugged out of his head. “What the hell are you doing?”  
“Keeping him alive. That’s my job.”  
“By giving him your own blood? Are you sure you’ve got any to spare right now?”  
Nicholas chimed in. “Given what happened to you, are you sure you’re well enough? You need to rest, let us take care of him now.”  
“NO! I need to do this. We’re in this mess because of me. Jim could die because of me. If my blood can stop that from happening, he’s welcome to it. He deserves to live a hell of a lot more than I do. And if he bleeds to death you can be damn sure I’ll be joining him.” As she became more and more agitated, and more and more manic, she began pacing and the unsecured needle slipped from her arm. She didn’t seem to notice the blood trickling down her arm.  
Max and Nicholas looked horrified, but quickly got to work setting Nicholas up as a blood donor. Grant started approaching Trixie, who was fast approaching a hysterical breakdown. She began shrieking at him to stay away, but he ignored her. Wrapping her in a bear hug, he held her while she fought him. Hoping she would forgive him, he deftly administered the sedative that Max passed him, slid a pillow under her head and covered her with a blanket.  
Returning to the others, he sank into a chair, running shaky hands through his short dark hair. Max reached across and squeezed his shoulder in a gesture of fraternal support, then shared a concerned look with Nicholas. Even though it had never been spoken, the two of them were well aware of how deeply Grant cared about Trixie.  
“I think it’s time you both told me exactly what the hell happened.” Grant exhaled and glance over his shoulder at the sleeping girl. “She got recognised. To be fair, it could happen to anyone. It’s not like we had a photo of everyone who might step foot inside that place. Her cover hadn’t held up, because one of them knew her. They’re married, God knows how. They tried to break her for information, but she never said a word. Not even when he hurt her. When I find this guy I’m gonna beat him to death with his own spine.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I think he raped her.” He could barely get the words out, as though if he refused to say it, he could make it be not true. Unable to finish the story, he rose and wandered over to the window, staring out at the dark. He half-listened as Nicholas took up the tale. After he finished an uncomfortable silence fell over the room, broken only by the occasional crackle of a log on the fire.

Nicholas woke, who knew how many hours later. The first thing he was aware of was that the fire had been fed. He was also aware of a presence beside him on the sofa. Sitting up, he was confronted by the face of his leader. Jim looked pale and exhausted, obviously still feeling the effects of being shot in the chest. “How are you feeling?”  
“How am I feeling? You’re the one who got shot. Go and lie back down, Trixie’ll go nuts if we let you exert yourself. You know how seriously she takes her medical duties. ”  
“Speaking of... I heard you talking last night. She’s married?” Jim shook his head wordlessly.  
“We couldn’t believe it either. But I think she already left him. She said she ran away from him in Belgium. I just wish she’d said something before. We could have helped her. We could have kept her safe. How did this happen? How did we not see, not notice. We’re her friends, if she didn’t think she could trust us, why didn’t we see that there was something wrong?”  
“Because we taught her how to live a lie.”  
Nicholas got up and made coffee. Leaving the others to sleep a bit longer, they drank in thoughtful silence, until a sharp cry interrupted the quiet. Trixie had gotten tangled in her blankets and was engaged in a dream fight with a non-existent enemy. No doubt she was dreaming of her husband. Slowly, ignoring the burning pain in his chest, Jim approached her and gently extricated the blankets from round her thrashing limbs. One arm flew out and Jim caught it, holding it firmly enough to keep her still yet gently enough so as not to hurt her. Slowly she calmed down. He released her wrist and laid one hand on her cheek, scowling at the bruise which was now turning an ugly greenish-brown. Her eyes flicked open, the deep blue no longer sparkling, but clouded with fear and guilt. The sadness and compassion in Jim’s face made her want to cry.  
“I think you must all despise me now.”  
“For heavens’ sake, why?”  
“Because I lied to you all, and nearly got all of you killed. If you’d known about him...”  
“I would never have sent you in there. That’s true. But we could never hate you.”  
“But I let you down. He was right, I’m weak and pathetic. I nearly told him everything. I nearly betrayed you. ” She hugged her knees to her chest, unwilling to look anyone in the eyes.  
“But you didn’t.” Jim was holding her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him, and desperately hoping he was getting through to her. “He put you through the worst thing in the world and you protected us. And then you went back and fought him, knowing he could kill you. That’s not weakness. That’s strength. More strength than most people have. It’s probably the bravest thing I have ever seen.”  
She shrugged. “It’s not hard to risk your life when you don’t care whether you live or die. Or when you know no-one’s really going to miss you. I’m not brave; I’m what he said I am. I’m useless and stupid and worthless.  
“You are worth everything to us. Especially me, you saved my life.”  
Nicholas sat beside her and held her hand. “And don’t ever think we wouldn’t miss you. I don’t think we’d cope if we lost you.” Gently he brushed his thumb across her cheek, wiping away the tears.  
Max sat on her other side. “Besides, then we’d be stuck with Grant as our medic, and I much prefer your bedside manner.”  
“Plus, he doesn’t look nearly so fetching in a nurse’s outfit.”  
“I don’t know, he’s got the legs for it.” It was a fairly lame joke, but Grant grinned good-naturedly, and they were frankly all relieved that she was at least making an attempt at humour. But as quickly as her mood had lightened, it sobered again. She eyed Jim with a mixture of concern and annoyance. “You should be lying down. I need to check your blood pressure again. In case you’ve torn your stitches.” He allowed himself to be fussed over, but his eyes never left her. As she busied herself checking his vitals, he realised she was panicking. As long as she had a job to do, she could avoid talking or thinking. But he knew that wasn’t healthy. She needed to talk, and he needed to know. He just wasn’t sure which was more important.

Once she was satisfied he wasn’t bleeding internally, she changed the dressing on his chest. Fiddling with that was an effective way of stalling, and Jim knew it. He sat up and grabbed her hand, pulling her down to sit next to him. She tucked one foot under herself and bent the other leg, resting her chin on her knee. Her eyed became unfocused as she stared off into the middle-distance, her whole body rocking back and forth. Jim spotted the cigarette case in her bag. It was years since he had smoked himself, and he didn’t entirely approve, but he didn’t know how else he could help her. Opening the case, he pulled one out and lit it. His nose wrinkled at the acrid, yet familiar taste. He passed it to her, pushing it between her shaking fingers. She took a long drag and exhaled, watching the smoke curling up from the glowing orange tip. The trembling eased and some of the tension seemed to leave her. Jim decided that he couldn’t put his questions off any longer and he nodded in the direction of the door, silently asking their teammates to step outside.  
“Don’t make them leave. I don’t really want to have this conversation more than once.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah. Just don’t ask me questions you’re not prepared to hear the answers to. And you’re probably not going to like what you hear.”  
Jim took a deep breath and shared an uneasy glance with the other three. “How much did he know about your job?”  
Trixie’s eyes went wide. “Seriously? That’s what you care about? All you can think about is whether my marriage threatens your job.” She scrambled to her feet and backed away from them. “You don’t care about me; all you care about is if I told him about you. Well don’t worry, I never said a word. I never told him anything about my job, what I did, where I went, who I worked with. I kept all the secrets, and God knows I paid for it. Every time I went home.” Horrified, Jim began to approach her; but she pushed him away, hysteria setting in.  
“Stay away from me. Just leave me alone. Stop pretending you care. Alex was right all along. He said no-one would believe me. And why should they? I’m a psychologist; I’m supposed to be able to spot monsters like him a mile off. I’m not supposed to fall for it.”  
“That’s why you never told us. You thought we wouldn’t believe you.”  
She nodded. “But I kept leaving. He must have thought I was going to tell someone, because he started telling me that no-one would care, because I wasn’t worth caring about. And it worked. He got inside my head, he figured out my biggest fears. He knew I could cope with not being believed, because I’m supposed be smarter than that. But he knew that it would kill me if nobody cared. Because then I’d have no-one but him and nowhere to go but back to him. “  
Nicholas was only just keeping control of his anger. “You didn’t honestly believe him did you?”  
“Sort of. There was always this little voice in my head. His voice, screaming at me. I knew that as long as I never put it to the test I could tell myself that he was wrong. But I was never brave enough to risk it. Because if he had been proved right, that would have been it.”  
“What do you mean?” As soon as Jim asked the question, one look at her face told him the answer.  
“That would have been me under a train. Because it wouldn’t have been worth fighting it any more. There’d be no point any more. I’d have nothing left to live for.”  
They were speechless. The idea of their friend being driven to suicide was unbearable for them. Each of them was desperately trying to find some words of comfort, something that would magically ease her pain, and all of them knew that nothing could. They could only watch as silent tears ran down her face. Clearly the stress of the whole thing was beginning to take its toll on her, and with two strides of his long legs, Max was there; wrapping his strong arms around her. He lifted her up and gently placed her on the sofa, tucking blankets around her. As she fell asleep, they heard the broken whisper of a terrified child. “Please, don’t leave me alone.” Feeling like a sliver of ice had been thrust into his heart, Grant lifted her just enough to slide underneath her. Her fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt as she snuggled as tightly against his chest as she could. Nicholas helped him get more comfortable, knowing that he could be there for a while. 

Stepping outside the house, Jim took a deep breath. It felt good to get some fresh air into his lungs. His thought his training had prepared him for anything but right now he felt horribly out of his depth. He leant on the porch railing, his shoulder against one of the upright posts. A few minutes later, Max and Nicholas joined him. It was a while before any of them spoke, instead relishing in the tranquillity of their wooded surroundings.  
“I’m done, aren’t I?”  
They hadn’t realised she had come outside. Grant hovered at her shoulder, as if he was afraid she was going to collapse at any moment. She had interrupted a conversation, and she was clearly convinced it was about her.  
“What do you mean?” Jim was deeply concerned about the sheen of sweat on her brow, and the shiver that ran through her, even though she was well wrapped up against the chilly air.  
“In the job. I’m done. I’m done, because I’m no use to you anymore.”  
“That’s not true. What happened was not your fault.”  
“You don’t understand. I tried to stand up to him. I really did. But he was so angry. I just wanted him to stop. I didn’t want it to hurt anymore. I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him everything, just to make him stop.”  
“Stop what?” Jim kept his voice steady, dreading the answer that deep down, he knew he knew. It was always a risk when female agents got captured.  
“Raping me. Again.” That final word was what did it for Jim, and he pulled her against him, letting her cry. “I was going to betray you to save myself.”  
His intense blue eyes bored into her own. “Do you really think you mean so little to me that I would give a damn?” He released his grip on her and walked a few paces away from her, his back to his friends. “This is all my fault. Not yours.”  
“Jim, you didn’t do anything.”  
“You’re right. I didn’t. But I should have, thirty years ago.”  
Max frowned. He, Grant and Nicholas were completely lost. “What’s going on?”  
Jim knew he had no choice. The whole thing was too far gone and he had to stop hiding. “When she died, I couldn’t handle it. We weren’t married, but I really, really loved her. I was too busy grieving, too selfish, so I ran away.”  
Nicholas put a hand on his arm. His face was creased with worry for his friend. “What’s this all about? Who are you talking about?”  
Jim took a deep breath. “Miranda. She died in childbirth.”  
“My mother’s name was Miranda.” As she watched Jim’s face, a very large penny was very slowly beginning to drop. “No, no, no, no, no. No, you can’t be.” Trixie’s eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was backing away from him.  
“I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner. I should have taken care of you. I should have kept you safe.”  
Still shaking her head, refusing to believe what she was hearing; she turned and ran, disappearing into the trees. Jim looked at his teammates, all of whom fixed him with stares that were a mixture of shock, horror, disbelief and incredulity.  
Grant was outright glaring at him. “How could you? How could you take all those risks with your own daughter’s life? You talk about wanting to keep her safe.” He turned on his heel and stormed off. Max shot Jim a dark look and followed him.  
“He didn’t mean it. He cares about her. He’s just angry.” Nicholas passed over a cup of steaming coffee.  
“No, he has a point. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me either.”

Jim spent the next few hours in a pensive silence. He had heard from Max, just to say that they were with Trixie and they would be back in a while. Nicholas had gone out for food and other supplies and cooked up a good hearty stew. He brought some out onto the porch for himself and Jim, leaving the rest to simmer gently. His friend had barely moved, still staring off into nothing. He only half-registered the bowl being held out to him and he took it mechanically.  
“She’s reminds me of her mother.” Nicholas was so startled by the break in the silence that he only just succeeded in not dropping his bowl. “I don’t mean physically. She looks nothing like her. She has her wisdom and compassion. And her temper.” They both looked up as slow footsteps approached. Trixie was limping toward them, supported on either side. Jim rushed to help her up the porch steps and into his chair. “What happened?” Crouching down he eased her shoe off. Trixie grimaced slightly. “Stupid rabbit hole. I didn’t see it and I put my foot right in it.” She flexed her ankle gently, testing the joint. Jim waited and looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I’ve massively screwed up and I know I have a hell of a lot to make up for, and I’m not sure that’s even possible-“ Trixie interrupted him.  
“Shut up. Yes, I was mad at you. I could spend the rest of my life being mad at you, but what would be the point? Other than to waste the time I could spend thinking how lucky I am to get you, out of all the people in the world, for a dad. All I ever wanted was to know who I am. Now I do. When I was a kid, I just wanted to belong to somebody. Now I do. Being angry can’t change my past, but it can spoil my future. And I refuse to let that happen.”  
Jim smiled. “I knew you had your mother’s wisdom. I didn’t know you had her grace too. I didn’t deserve her either. Thank you.”  
Trixie was struggling to remove the shirt that was caught on her. Jim reached to help her. Finally pulling it free, she ripped open the concealed pocket. “I should have given you this earlier.” She pulled out the scrap of fabric. It was wet, dirty and slightly bloodstained, but the writing was legible. Jim studied it, frowning.  
“Of course, I couldn’t copy the handwriting, there wasn’t time. But otherwise, that’s how it looked.”  
“There were no other marks on the paper?”  
“Not exactly. But from the pen strokes, the way the letters were formed, I think whoever wrote it was left-handed. And there was a funny squiggle on the tails of some of them.”  
Jim grabbed a notebook and jotted down a few letters. He passed it to her. “Like these?”  
She nodded. “Exactly like that.”  
Jim sighed and got up. He began pulling on his jacket.  
“Jim what’s going on?” Grant was standing behind him. His face wore an on combination of worry, anger and confusion. “You know who wrote that list.”  
“Unfortunately, yes. The problem is that I thought he was dead.”  
“So what do we do next?”  
“We? Max, we don’t do anything. You are all going to stay right here.”  
“No.” Grant was right behind him. “I’m coming too. And don’t try telling me this doesn’t involve me. My father’s name is on that list. If his death has anything to do with that list, then I’m involved.”  
Jim gave him a considered look. He was very tempted to tell him to stay behind, but thought better of it. “Fine. Let’s go.”

The journey back to the prison wasn’t long, but it felt like an eternity. Grant’s head was spinning with questions but Jim had returned to his silent brooding. So Grant held his tongue. The prison had obviously been fitted with exceptionally good fire suppression systems. The building seemed to have been abandoned, but there was very little damage beyond some charred furniture and blackening to the walls. They reached the spot where they had last run into Alex. There was no sign of him. Indeed, a not-inconsiderable pool of blood on the floor was the only sign that anything had happened there. The sight of it turned Grant’s stomach. They had come too close to it ending very differently. Stealthily, the two men proceeded down the hallway towards the same room that Jim had been held in just a couple of days ago. Cracking open the door just enough, they saw that there was only one occupant and he was bent over a desk, his back to them. Like a silent assassin, Jim crept up behind him. When he needed to he could move like lightning. He grabbed the man by the back of the neck, dragging him backward and downwards simultaneously. While the surprised man was still on the floor, Jim was on top of him, rolling him over and pinning his arms behind him. Finally, he dragged him to his feet and threw him into a chair. Grant was content to stand by and watch, but prepared to jump in and help if needed. Sprawled in his chair, the man glared up at Jim. He lunged at him but a swift backhand sent him reeling backward.  
“Where’s my brother? What did you do to him?”  
“What are you talking about? What brother?” Jim demanded.  
“Alex. He’s my brother. If he’s dead...”Jim grabbed the man by the throat and got right in his face, almost nose to nose.  
“He hurt my daughter. If I ever see him again, he’ll wish he was dead.” Jim tossed him back to the floor. “And speaking of being dead, Paul...why aren’t you?”  
Paul laughed. “I like being dead. It suits me, it’s very freeing. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, I’d get spotted eventually. But I don’t mind. I’ve done what I wanted.”  
Grant’s eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”  
“You’re Barney’s boy. I hope he’s a bit more careful with you than he was with your old man.”  
Grant’s face darkened. “What are you talking about?”  
“Just that you can’t rely on our friend here to save you. He left me for dead; can you be sure he won’t do the same to you?”  
“Don’t listen to him Grant. He was dead. I saw the body. I identified him.” He pulled out his gun and pointed it at Paul. “You faked your own death. Why go bad? You were a good agent. I trusted you.”  
“Because you left me. You left me to rot in that jail. All because the mission comes first. You broke me. You left me with nothing. So I decided to break you. Do you think no-one else knew you had a kid? It was obvious; God knows why nobody figured it out. She’s just a younger version of you. Alex was happy to do it. He enjoys that sort of thing. Poor little unloved Beatrice. So desperate for affection. It was too easy. Next I took your friend. Now I’m going to take his son.” Jim quickly glanced at Grant out of the corner of his eye. He could see the rage building in the Grant’s dark eyes as he realised he was just a few feet from the man who had killed his father. “And you can spend the rest of your life knowing that it’s your entire fault.” Where he got the knife from, neither of them knew. Moving almost impossibly fast, he launched himself at Grant. Grant screamed as the blade of the knife sank into his chest, just above his heart. White hot pain streaked through his body and he felt an immense weight crushing him. But within seconds, the weight was gone, and Jim was kneeling at his side. He was clearly seething with rage. Turning his head he saw Paul’s body lying face down with a bullet hole in the side of his head. Jim was working feverishly. His shaking hands were using whatever he could find to hand to try and stop his friend bleeding to death. Satisfied that it would do for now, he hoisted Grant to his feet, pulling one of his arms over his shoulder. The younger man was pale and sweating from the exertion. Jim moved as fast as he could.

From the very second they had left, the others had begun to worry. By the time they got back, they were almost frantic. When Trixie saw Jim lifting Grant out of the car, and Max running to help, she was on the verge of collapse. However by the time they had got him inside she had pulled herself together enough to treat his injuries. They were not as bad as they first appeared. The knife had missed his heart, albeit only just, and had instead lodged itself in the muscle. It would hurt like hell for a while, but he would be fine. Trixie stitched him up and set up a saline drip. His vital signs were reasonably good, and he was fit and strong so she laid a blanket over him and left him to sleep. Pulling the door almost shut, she joined the others on the porch. Taking the coffee that Nicholas offered, she leant against the porch railing and lit a cigarette. She still looked exhausted, but her eyes seemed to have a little more life in them, a little more hope. The others waited in silence while she smoked, staring out at the sunset. Her craving satisfied, she sat down on the bench next to Jim and curled into his side. He wrapped his arm round her shoulders and rested his cheek on the top of her head. The ensuing conversation was long and painful. For Jim and Trixie, it was the most honest they had ever been, both with their friends and with themselves. It was filled with tears and recriminations, anger and reassurances. It was well into the night when he finished his story. They had let him talk with no interruption and he was exhausted, physically as well as emotionally. Recounting everything had left him drained and the others completely shocked. Grant had woken up and they were all sitting together, a kind of family. Jim decided he was going to arrange for them all to be stood down until further notice. They all had a lot of trauma to work through, some more than others, and it would take time, but they would get there. And they would all be there when anyone’s past came back to bite them.


End file.
